yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
