hell yes lets make some ravioli
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
