Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
