He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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