You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
