I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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