You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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