I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
