I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Alive.
So much puke
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
