next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
