there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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