so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
