i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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