He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
