i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
