her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
