Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
