Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
