I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
