Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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