I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
