her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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