it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
