Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
