I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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