so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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