Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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