I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
