At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
