Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
