A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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