My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Did I show you my penis last night?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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