either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
