Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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