YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
