i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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