Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
