Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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