I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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