Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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