We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she smelled like a LAN party
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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