I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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