Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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