do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
