My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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