well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
