I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
