he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
