i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
