And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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