when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
one might say we're banned from that church
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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