addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
