i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
